My family has been living in Indonesia for 5 months. It seems so long, but yet so short. I think the hardest thing about being here is the language barrier, and after 4 months of studying I feel only the tiniest inch closer to being able to effectually communicate. For me to think in English and then translate is not beneficial for speaking in Indonesian since the sentence structures are quite different between the two languages.
While I’m in language school my boys are at home with a nanny. If I’m not at school I’m at a coffee shop writing out essays and sentences for my daily homework and wishing with everything in me to be at home playing with my boys. Those thoughts so aggressively wrestle within me that some days I’m a ball of tears as I firmly tell Greg I just wish I could quit. Deep in my heart I am inclined to let my mind roam the possibilities of what if’s. What if I could go back to the States now, would I?
The anchor and only thing that keeps me grounded in a raging sea of transition, adjustment, and emotion is a quote from William Booth,
“‘Not called!’ did you say? ‘Not heard the call,’ I think you should say. Put your ear down to the Bible, and hear him bid you go and pull sinners out of the fire of sin. Put your ear down to the burdened, agonized heart of humanity, and listen to its pitiful wail for help. Go stand by the gates of hell, and hear the damned entreat you to go to their father’s house and bid their brothers and sisters, and servants and masters not to come there. And then look Christ in the face, whose mercy you have professed to obey, and tell him whether you will join heart and soul and body and circumstances in the march to publish his mercy to the world.”
The simple thought of knowing that this people group I live among has no other means of hearing the gospel unless the rocks cry out stirs within me a deep sense of stability and responsibility that no strong wind of disturbance can totter. C.T. Studd once said that If Jesus Christ be God and died for me then no sacrifice can be too great for me to make for Him.
Each day carries within itself churning, difficulties, and other rumbles, but the surpassing glory of God Almighty grants us great grace to face them as they come.
“Therefore, since we are surrounded by so great a cloud of witnesses, let us also lay aside every weight, and sin which clings so closely, and let us run with endurance the race that is set before us, looking to Jesus, the founder and perfecter of our faith, who for the joy that was set before him endured the cross, despising the shame, and is seated at the right hand of the throne of God.” Hebrews 12:1-2
Whether on your side of the world or mine, may we strive to live a commissioned life unified by the one common calling of every single believer: to make disciples.
It's just Me Abby 
Wow Abby. Your life and submission to God’s call is a powerful testimony in itself.
Abby, Karen shared your web site with me. Have sent it to various other friends who are making sacrifices joyfully though through hardship. Thinking our way through our journies with Christ, sharing with each other is a type of ‘confessing your sins to one another that you may be healed,’ not that we see ourselves overtly sinning but wrestling with our own desires as they compete for satisfaction at cost to His Spirit and our own. Sharing hearts strengthens us, making our life with Him seem more like we are walking together hand in hand with the Body of Christ rather than isolated and away from those who see and care. Thank you for posting your heart for others to look at, find courage in, strength, and even a sister who is away but close in spirit. Big hug and love in Christ, Paula.