It's just Me Abby

The way I see it, there are two kinds of people. Those with kind eyes and those with RBFs. A little shocking, I know, to open a Christian blog post in this way, but can we please admit that what I just suggested makes pretty good sense and is reasonably agreeable? Or am I the only one who thinks twice before attempting to engage someone who obviously has a Really Bad Facade? Their RBFs are quite intimidating. Those tough facades are stalwart and usually prove very difficult to break through. And honestly, to call it a facade is a very considerate thing, because we know that’s not who they really are. 

I met a man this past Christmas with one of those unpleasant RBFs. I think it is terribly sad to have such an unfortunate disposition on Christmas. But it was Christmas, and I should be charitable enough to allow him his reason, however difficult. Because it was rather difficult for me to accept his really bad facade. 

It was a warm breezy Christmas night in South Florida at my sister’s house. The day had been delightful and no one was ready for it to end. My 7-year-old daughter asked if I would go outside and play basketball with her (which was quite shocking because she never wants to play basketball ever) so out we went with the brothers and cousins in tow. Our basketball game was wild. More shots were missed than made and the ball was everywhere. I needed a rest so we paused the game. And that’s when I noticed Mr. R. B. Facade come out of his house and stomp his way across the street. I jumped up to meet him. 

If you didn’t know, I happen to be a nine on the Enneagram. I am the most faithful peacekeeper and do my utmost best to steer clear of confrontation. That was, until Christmas night when he howled at us for setting off his alarm system whenever we retrieved the loose basketball from his yard. If I have kind eyes, they vanished. My own facade struck like lightning. I matched his anger and let the words fly out of my mouth. How dare he verbally attack my family! So what if it was past 10 pm? It’s Christmas night! What a Scrooge!

He decided he was done arguing with me so he started yelling for my brother-in-law. My husband was the first to come outside. Which couldn’t have been more perfect because if anyone would back me up and tell this neighbor off, it would be him. 

Excepting, my husband began to neutralize the situation by disarming the man with gentleness. And then came my endlessly benevolent brother-in-law graciously wrapping a bow of goodwill on the entire situation as he walked him back home. 

Darn you both. You met his RBF with kind eyes. You understood that hiding behind that angry facade was a heart and soul dealing with joy and pain, struggles and trauma, insecurity, and disappointments. 

That’s what facades do. They hide people and harden them by masking the good, the bad, and the ugly truth.

But the truth is that a person’s story is a beautifier. It is the chisel that carves away the most intricate detail into us. Some stories are drenched in deep darkness, but the darkness trembles at the presence of God. If we would just run to his kind eyes and deep love.

“But there will be no gloom for her who was in anguish…The people who walked in darkness have seen a great light; those who dwelt in darkness, on them a light has shone…For unto us a child is born, to us a son is given…and his name shall be called Wonderful Counselor, Mighty God, Everlasting Father, Prince of Peace.”  Isaiah 9 (ESV)

If you want my advice? Have your Father’s eyes.