It's just Me Abby

I know Beth Moore is a hot topic amongst us evangelical christians. She apparently seems to elicit extreme feelings. She’s either adored or scorned. I’m not sure where your opinions of her land, but she is to me the best friend I never had. I’d go home with her as quick as the disappearance of an order of pork dumplings and pulled noodles placed on my family’s table at Lanzhou Ramen on Buford Highway.

And I will, from this point on, refer to her as just Beth.

I knew of Beth as a child growing up in a mega church that hosted Breaking Free classes and bible studies. I had never read any of her books in my youth because honest to goodness I was turned off by her bouffant. I was sure she was as fluffy a woman as her hair.

In my first couple years of marriage and at the height of many insecurities a friend of mine showed me this” incredible book” she was reading called So Long Insecurity.

Behold, Beth’s face and hair as large as life smack on the cover.

Yeah, no thanks. I wasn’t much for taking any advice from a christian barbie.

But I went home that night still stuck in the prison of my insecurity. My friend swore by the book. Could this fluffy blonde possibly have insight and advice on the fears I was bound by?

I went to Barnes & Noble and bought it. I immediately took the sleeve off the hard cover. I didn’t want anyone to notice Beth’s looming face and book in my apartment.

I started reading skeptically but was completely captivated by then end.

God knew her insight and wisdom was what I needed to begin the process of unshackling myself from the insecurities that had bound me.

I went from scorning her to adoring her. I started following her on Twitter a few years ago. Her tweets were as snarky as they were funny as they were encouraging as they were a balm for my heart and I became endeared to her.

But this post is not about Beth. She plays but a supporting role.

My cell rang. It was a late Friday morning in September. My kids’ elementary school popped up on the caller ID. They have never been the bearer of good news on a random midday phone call and I doubted that was about to change. Fingers crossed it wasn’t another fall from the monkey bars and a broken bone.

“Mrs. Wilton? Your son Oliver has been directly exposed to Covid and must be picked up.”

I joined a handful of other third grade parents waiting outside the school for their covid exposed child to exit the front doors. Out came Oliver with a huge smile on his face. Son of a gun knew he’d hit the jackpot. He wouldn’t be returning to school for a least a week to quarantine.

Over the next ten days he waved goodbye to his siblings each morning, joined in his daily classroom zoom calls and completed his assignments that lasted all of 2 hours or less, and tested negative for covid. He seemed happy and I kept busy with the mundane household chores.

Towards the end of the week Oliver was discouraged.

“Mom, I was just wishing this week could have been more special by spending time together.”

What?

Have we not spent the entire week at home together? And I honestly asked him that. But he told me I was too busy doing everything else to spend time with him.

Spending time together tends to be code for going out to eat or buying something special and making other members of this family jealous. So I asked him if he wanted to go somewhere or buy something.

“No, Mom, I just wish you would push me on the swing outside front and talk with me.”

I was taken aback. How simple his request.

That very same week Beth had tweeted something that I have not been able to shake since.

That the broken soul is mended and revived by wonder is a profound thought.

We know that it is impossible to live this life unscathed. The scrapes, the cuts, the bruises, and the brokenness are ever present. They are chronic and recurring. They are as persistent as the shadows that fall around us in the evening’s fading light.

But take heart! Shadows are not our demise.

“Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death,
    I will fear no evil,
for you are with me;
    your rod and your staff,
    they comfort me.” Psalm 23:4

Traversing the valley of shadows is fearsome. It’s lonely and desolate. Yet beneath a shadow there is life. You will find a heart beating–breaking, even bleeding–but still steadily pulsing.

Above the shadow you will find God with you because He is for you. The shadows hide God’s presence but they do not eliminate it. He may not seem close but He remains ever near.

So to the hurting soul wandering through the Valley of Shadows, might I spur you to consider the deep magic of wonder? For even the simplest wonder has the restorative properties needed to begin mending the most broken of souls.

I walked outside with Oliver that day to our swing. The weather was beautiful and blustery. He climbed into the swing and asked me not to push him too high because he was afraid the branch might break.

A wonderful smile spread across his face as he began to sway back and forth. For the next 30 minutes I pushed him on the swing and he shared with me all the very important things his little 8 year old mind was thinking about.

Some things I already knew. His favorite color is blue, his favorite meal is cereal in the morning, and his favorite thing to do is play Roblox on the weekends.

Some things I learned. Every time we drive in the car he slashes as many electrical lines as he can with his laser eyes. He has also named his two feet. One foot is named Bob and the other is Wilton, and sometimes he tells them what to do.

This beloved child of mine and his beautiful imagination on the swing that day left my heart in wonder. I wanted so badly to freeze time and live in that moment forever. Alas, moments are a wink and winks are but a tick.

But the wonder of a moment twinkles for such a time as redeeming the valley of shadows. So search for the wonders among those looming shadows because wonder begets praise which kindles restoration.

Searching for wonder in God’s word, in His creation, in His gifts, in all things however great or small, will surely mend any weary or broken soul.