It's just Me Abby

A stunning view, an ocean breeze, and a Hindu altar can mean only one thing: we are in Bali. And as if it wasn’t good enough to just be in Bali, my in-laws (or “Chief” and “Duckie” as my children call them) have come from the other side of the world just to be with us here.

Greg, the boys, and I arrived here two weeks ago. Our first week was filled with company meetings, but the second week was purely relaxation and restoration with our beloved Chief and Duckie. How welcomed this week has been after 9 months of pressing hard in learning language.

We’ve rented a lovely coastal house and just happen to be sitting in plush bean bag chairs under the outside gazebo surrounded by beauty on every side. Chief just got up to make his famous coffee for the 5th time today. And his coffee is quite famous in this family, famous for its strong bitterness. That stuff is so strong it’ll grow hair on your chest. And I have absolutely no interest in that. Word to the wise: drink with caution or TONS of cream.

Duckie just brought out what’s left of my 28th birthday cake for our late afternoon snack. Outside of wishing my own family here, there is nothing more that I could ask for, that is of course, outside of Pull & Peel twizzlers or a Heath Bar. My heart is full.

What is most amazing, even scary, is that in a moment like this when my heart is full my spirit is still found wanting. There is something deep within me that remains in a state of unrest. In the secret recesses of my being I have an insatiable yearning that I can’t seem to satisfy. I have incredible blessing upon blessing in the palms of my hands yet I live with this sense of unfulfilled longing.

“You have made us for yourself, and our hearts are restless, until they can find rest in you.” St. Augustine of Hippo

Truly my soul is unsatisfied because it craves to be with that which it was made for and that which it was meant for: for God Almighty. And until the moment I am united with Him face to face my soul will continue to groan with longing.

For the creation waits with eager longing for the revealing of the sons of God. And not only the creation, but we ourselves, who have the firstfruits of the Spirit, groan inwardly as we wait eagerly for adoption as sons, the redemption of our bodies. Romans 8:19,23

The challenge is trying not to fill my hungry spirit with lesser things like hopes or dreams, ideas or ideals. Because achieving our language goal, finally settling into a home, nesting, having enough money, planning the next vacation, or trying for a baby girl seems like pretty satisfying options for my forever groaning heart. And in no way am I saying those things are wrong, just empty if I am hoping to find complete satisfaction in them.

Each beautiful gift we receive from God is precious in its season. But that’s just it, they last only a season. Everything this side of heaven is temporal; life is but a breath, time is but a moment. Today is bliss, but tomorrow may usher in sorrow, and when sorrow rolls in, waves of doubt and faithlessness tend to accompany our woes.

I believe; help my unbelief! Mark 9:24

But glory to God that when we are faithless, He still remains faithful. Let that grace and truth wash over us. Let us satisfy our souls with God himself in Christ Jesus through intimate fellowship with His Spirit who dwells within us. For God alone quenches us like an overflowing spring of water welled up within our dry and weary being.