It's just Me Abby

Cockroaches. I’m not sure why God joyfully created them except that He’s so gracious. I loathe them. I shudder at the sound of the crunch beneath my shoe. I squeal with disgust at the transference to the toilet. I squirm with guilt at the swish of the flush and the disappearance of the victim forever. Poor awful things will never be wanted.  Lizards I can understand; my mother had an odd affection for them. But the existence of this unfortunately ugly little insect is difficult for me to wrap my mind around.

Pressure. What a abominable word. I inwardly cringe at the mention of it. I don’t handle it well. I wish it were as simple as a cockroach strategically fitting beneath my shoe. Instead I tremble beneath it’s heaviness. My disposition is to fly away and be free of it. My inclination is to attack and prosecute the source. My tendency is to spiral down and throw in the towel. It has always been so difficult for me to function accordingly to it.

Blessing. I don’t easily equate this with pressure, but over these last couple of weeks God has been teaching me what it means to find the benefits of something I thought so detestable.

• It beseeches us to trust. I can’t grasp the organism of a cockroach, but God created it and said it was good. I can guess and second guess it’s importance but God alone fully knows and is delighted by it. I may not be able to discern the meaning of a particular pressure, but I can trust the One who ordained it, even gifted me with such a time as this.
• It strengthens our resolve, it stirs up within us a determination. Determination leads to productivity, change, and compensation. If life were easy we’d never be spurred and sparked towards greater things. And in so doing we would never cultivate and advance in our character because easiness is sameness and sameness is monotony and monotony requires nothing untried or unaccustomed.

Not only that, but we rejoice in our sufferings, knowing that suffering produces endurance, and endurance produces character, and character produces hope, and hope does not put us to shame, because God’s love has been poured into our hearts through the Holy Spirit who has been given to us. Romans 5:3-5

If we are resolute in living a life of obedience to God, we will find that God’s Spirit will not only go before us but behind and on either side fighting for us and working with us to fulfill the call God has given to us. Hudson Taylor once said, “I have found that there are three stages in every great work of God: first, it is impossible, then it is difficult, then it is done.”

I accept the call, I welcome the fight with assurance that God’s on His throne through the night. Whatever may come, whatever may be, Spirit uphold this weak devotee. I long to be faithful with the charge I receive, moving forward with trust in the one I believe.